I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
