ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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