hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
