just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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