If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
