I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish you could order shots online.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
