Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
