There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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