Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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