I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
