Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
