I think my vagina is haunted
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
