She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
