They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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