I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
did i just pee glitter
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
