Where did you get a picture of my penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
