apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
