All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
be right there i have to get my cape
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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