my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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