You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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