If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
