I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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