How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
