all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
