my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
they need to just BURY HIM!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
