she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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