I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
