And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
