shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
