Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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