i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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