We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
