Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
