Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
