question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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