from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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