You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
