how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
