Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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