Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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