Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
