cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
