i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
