i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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