you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
