I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
