checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
