How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
