..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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