Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did I show you my penis last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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