It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
