I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
